The Daily Open Minded Writer

Self-care is a relatively new concept for me, as before I finished school, all I could really think about was work, trying to fit in food when I could, and occasionally hitting the gym if I had the energy, along with the never-ending list of school assignments. At the time, some things interested me. I would try to distract myself here and there by getting into deep dives of some random hobby that sounded fun at the time or a sport that sounded cool. Still, I would inevitably spend some money on the hobby, start building a setup, or get some of the bigger materials. Then it would fall to the way side due to that never ending list of assignments and studying that needed to take priority over just about everything because I knew if I kept pushing my self just a little bit longer that everything I wanted would be within my grasp the respect, the accomplishment, the income, the lifestyle, the job prospects, the growth potential, I really thought I would have it all at the finish line of this ordeal. It’s really Ironic because I never thought I would be where I am currently sitting. I had a completely different vision of how my future would play out. However, I guess everything happens for a reason or some shit “they” all say, even though I still have a hard time believing or choking down that concept. Still, here we are, another day, another step forward in what I hope to be the right direction, but I guess time will tell if that’s the case or not.

Back to the concept of self-care, though, it’s really new and honestly a bit foreign to me as well, but I am just at the point where I am trying to figure it out. I guess what it means for me because I look around and everyone makes it look so easy, like hey I do this or I do that, and I can have fun doing this and that, and I enjoy this and that, and like shit, I don’t even know what I like to do really. I used to think I enjoyed the gym but is it that I enjoy the gym or I just enjoy the results from the gym or is it because I know I have to go and work on my fitness for my career or its game over for me, well not so much since I finished school now I am more so in this. After all, I want a retirement and don’t want to be forced to rebuild all over again, as that would take a lot of money and time I really don’t want to dedicate to something I could have already had. I am thinking it’s just because I am in the beginning phase of the gym again. I haven’t reached the point where I genuinely enjoy it, or at least that’s my hope, because about five years ago, I was going twice a day, six days a week. I loved it and couldn’t get enough of CrossFit. Still, I also think a big part of that was the community that coincided with it was something I loved because I really felt like I was part of a community and was accepted and honestly partially felt like they wanted me there (yes I paid to go but I don’t know maybe it was bullshit in my head which is entirely a possibility). The thought of going back to compete in fitness competitions sounds great I just still to this day don’t know where the drive and determination to get on the team came from, let alone the true hunger to be better, stronger, fitter, faster than I ever was before shit to have that kind of motivation again I would truly be unstoppable. Just like when I got hardcore into power lifting, again for about six months, I was at the gym two times a day, six days a week, while it was partially because I had nothing else to do, but god damn, I was an absolute monster when it was all said and done. Still, I know what happened there, losing my old man kind of killed that one for me, and I could never get back on the wagon, as so to speak, until I somehow made it onto the CrossFit team. Then I took off like a bat out of hell, so as I am sitting here typing away I think what I need is a goal or an over arching level I want to achieve because what got me into running was needing to pull off a 5 mile run in a specific time so what did I do, I hit that treadmill day in and day out and ran 5 to 8 miles a day like 4 to 5 days a week and got damn good at running though be it was all a waste of my time and effort but that’s a story for another day. So I think it’s time to set some new fitness goals and build up to reach them, and I guess reevaluate where I am at if I can manage to achieve those, and maybe lose a little weight in the process if I’m lucky, or I can hope I can at least lean out if I don’t lose weight. All of this thought really makes me wonder if investing in a treadmill would be worth it, because I am still toying with the idea, just not sold on spending $2,000 on one.

One thing I have discovered in this self-care journey that I never thought I would ever be good at is baking. I have found I am pretty damn good at it, which is funny because for many, many years I was told I was never allowed to bake anything because all I would do is burn it, so I never did until about 5, maybe six months ago, I just said screw it, I am gonna try the most straightforward recipe for chocolate chip cookies I can find. It kind of just snowballed from there to trying out, I think, oatmeal raisin because those seemed kind of simple to make as well. Then I found the mother of all chocolate chunk cookie recipes, and oh my goodness, were those a hit with everyone! To the extent that I didn’t start branching out from just making those other flavors and styles until recently. Recently, I have been trying out some copycat recipes for crumble cookies and Insomnia cookies. While I make them and then taste-test, I can’t help but feel that they are super one-dimensional and just have a single flavor profile with not a whole lot going on for the palate, like those chocolate chunk cookies that I make. Still, I will be damned, everyone has loved both the almond pecan sandies and the peanut butter ones because I was honestly worried and semi-disappointed in the finished result that I presented them. Still, omg I had people asking for recopies and to make them again, and how long would it be before I did so. I guess I will continue down this adventure path with the copycat cookies till I get tired of it and start a new flavor profile. I do know I would like to get into cake making this winter. However, I am not sure I can pull it off or even frost the cake to save my life, let alone whether anyone would even like something like a tuxedo cake or something similar. Still, it seems like it’s a whole other skill set that I could add to my baking skills and maybe explore for a bit or something down that rabbit hole. Eventually, I would like to learn how to design my own recipes and tweak them, experimenting with flavor combinations a bit. This is why part of me is gravitating towards the area of cake making, or perhaps I should return to the realm of muffins? I also made some killer muffins. I could make cupcakes and learn how to really push my skills there, then build up to full-sized cakes. I would imagine it’s harder to screw up cupcakes over a tiered and layered cake, right? I might look up some cupcake recipes to see where that takes me, but I really want to fill them with a filling, then learn how to frost them properly and make them look nice too. This might be something worth exploring in the future.

So here is to exploring more on the path to self-care and what it means to me and where the hell I fit in this ever-spinning rock we call earth.