The Daily Open Minded Writer

I have been thinking about legacy for a long time now, and I’m unsure what kind of legacy I want to leave in the future.  As I have no kids, it makes me wonder what kind of legacy I can leave and how I can create one that I would be proud of. I want to say, ‘Yes, I did that,’ and helped those people; I made the world a better place than when I found it.  I strive to mentor and teach those who are both below and above me, leveraging my skill set and prior experience. Still, I wish I could do more than I currently do. With that being said, I have taken on many teaching and mentoring roles, and I am now as involved as I possibly can be. Still, I never feel like I am good enough, no matter what I do or how well I get at something. I always feel like I fail or just don’t do enough. I’m not sure why I think this way. Still, I would like to be able to look in the mirror one day and be proud of myself and the life I have built, and damn most people strive to get this far, and here I am looking at another degree, grad school, or even further, because I feel like it’s expected or needed for me.  I am well aware that I should be grateful for all that I have, and I am, without a doubt. I do my very, very best to remember that not everyone has what I do. Still, with that being said I have worked my ass off to get everything I have from nothing, I paid for it, I worked more then full time, I did more then full time school and went without the sleep with the constant need for work to be done, I sacrificed so much to get myself here, I went without the social life and fun so I could get to this point so at some point I do feel as though I also really earned this as well.

This all being said, I don’t have any kids and I doubt I ever will. I am unsure if this is a good or bad thing anymore. What kind of legacy can I genuinely hope to leave when I am no longer here? Statistically speaking, I am 50% through my lifespan. Even if I take really good care of myself, I know that with the secondary comorbidities that run in my family, my chances for a longer-than-average life aren’t great. Combined with not having a lineage of my own, what hope do I have to really leave anything of real substance to make this world a better place? I do my best to do that within my career, but in the large scheme of things, is that really making a worthwhile impact, or is it just a waste of effort to think I will ever have the capability to do that in this day and age? Then the idea occurs to me: how would I even go about making such a significant impact that is worth being remembered, or leaving something monumental for generations to come? Then again, 99% of people don’t do enough to leave a lasting impression. But I look at them, and they have a family and lineage they can live on by. For example, my father taught me valuable life lessons throughout my childhood and beyond; I still live by these lessons today. It leaves me with a certain amount of regret that I don’t have kids. To have kids, you should be in a stable—well, I use that term loosely—relationship or hopefully a marriage at some point, and I have neither. It’s just me and my dog, sadly. Part of me is kind of happy that I don’t have someone to answer to. I can do what I want, when I want, without asking for permission. I enjoy hopping on my motorcycle for a ride as long as I want, without worrying about when I get home. My dog is an absolute angel, honestly, a godsend to me. It is so chill that I never have to worry, and it does what needs to be done. It’s very well taken care of and otherwise just enjoys chilling at home on the couch. On the other hand, I would really appreciate having someone there to welcome me home when I walk in the door. I’m not looking for a huge show, just a simple hug and a kiss and maybe, if I am lucky, a “I missed you, how was work?” Having a child or two running around playing tag or fighting over what’s on TV because they can’t make their minds up—just simple things most take for granted—sounds amazing. But you sacrifice a lot to achieve that, so it’s a give-and-take in this situation.

    This all brings me back to the original question: how do I leave a lasting legacy or build one that is truly worthwhile? Even if I am not the one future generations remember, I would be happy if it were an item I created or deeds done to help those in need. I am consistently at a loss for how to even begin exploring this concept and where to start in creating something. I am not as inventive as I once was, and I have almost lost the imagination I once had. Over the years, I have become increasingly jaded about life due to my job and the nature of my career field. I lost faith in humanity as a whole by the time I was 21. Seeing some of the messed-up things I have would do that to someone, let alone the combined PTSD from it all and overall messed-up experiences. But I digress. I hope that one day I will be able to articulate more effectively how I can approach the idea of legacy and create a path or direction that can help alleviate this burden in my mind.